An Anonymous Opinion

Before I share with you all one of the emails that was sent to me last week I just wanted to thank you all for reading and for the positive response that I received concerning our educational choices for our kids. While not every response I got was loving and accepting the majority definitely were. So thank you.
That being said, that was not actually what I was looking for. I appreciated it immensely, I really did but I wasn't searching for you to all validate our choices. My hope was that we could find a place, even a silly place like a blog to  celebrate our differences. To come and say "this is what makes me different" or "this is my struggle" and receive nothing but acceptance. Even if that acceptance is merely "I definitely don't agree but I appreciate you and Im so glad I got to hear your perspective because I myself would not have been able to see it the way you do"
 The post Im going to share this time  is not necessarily a "vent" or even a "confessions" it comes from someone who lives in the same community as I do and is a member of the same church. The entire post is based on religious (Christain/LDS) perspective but I think its a perspective that anyone could appreciate. We don't have to agree to be appreciative of each other, right? Isn't that the whole point of all this?
So here it is. Our first write in.

As I read the first blog post on this blog, I was so excited to see that there is a place to “vent,” to talk safely and openly about many of the concerns that we face, especially in such a strange, unique culture compared to much of the world. I see this blog as an opportunity to create change, to begin creating a set of behaviors that slowly create what we know as Zion.
When I say Zion, I truly am speaking in ideal terms. A society and community of “one heart and one mind.” I believe this sort of idealistic thinking, coupled with the perception to internalize and accept the reality of the world, is not only healthy, but absolutely required in order to move toward such a lofty goal. The best part is, it is absolutely possible. But there is a caveat. It requires having a vision. A vision of what Zion would look like. A vision of the small, day to day details that make up the reality of Zion. A vision of the behaviors that would define such a community. Without a vision of those small, intricate details, it can be very difficult to believe that such a community, even a world, could be possible.
As for the “venting,” the expression of frustration that exists within such a powerful, wonderful, and yet infuriating culture that so many people have clearly expressed irritation with, I claim only to be frustrated with the potential that exists, yet because of our own pride, our own mixed priorities on what is truly important in this life, and our fear of rejection, we fall short. We don’t fall short because we are imperfect, and we most definitely don’t fall short because of external barriers that hold us back. We fall short because we hold ourselves back, mostly because of fear. Fear for many reasons that we could list all day, but fear none the less. If we fell short because of our imperfections, the City of Enoch would never have been raised up. They were all imperfect as well. We all sin. We all make mistakes. We all come up short. But imagine a world where these shortcomings were constantly viewed as learning opportunities that every friend, family member, colleague, or even community member came running to offer support and a helping hand. Imagine if the fear, for whatever

reason, was removed because of the continuous love of everyone around us.
The people of the city of Enoch knew this. They knew that having one heart, a heart of charity through the power of Christ and the Atonement, was the only possible route to make this possible. A heart of having both empathy and sympathy for the struggles people face, knowing that those struggles were deliberately there as a refiner’s fire to teach and help the individual grow. They had one mind to the vision, and not just the grandiose, general idea of Zion, but a vision of the small details that made Zion a reality, all based on correct principles, the first of which being faith. Having faith in others, their decisions, their choices, and even their struggles. Such details as saying hello, offering to open doors, saying thank you for even the smallest of kind acts, and smiling at a lonely face. Even such details as removing gossip and rumor, but rather talk of genuine concern, love, and counsel for how to support and show love for those we would otherwise criticize or pass judgment or even just talk of trying to understand the the seemingly questionable choices people make. These are simple decisions, but powerful ones. These are decisions that do not create separation, but rather connection. People make these decisions based on one of two emotions. Love, or fear. These zionistic behaviors are always based on love, on developing a connection rather than a separation. People are born with love, so we need to ask ourselves, what behaviors do we exhibit that teach and motivate people to act out of fear? What do we do as parents, siblings, children, colleagues, and all other interactions, to motivate people to not want to open up? To not want to feel safe in the uniqueness they came to this world with? We are the only species that have potential to grow limitlessly, but we need the nourishment to do so, and that nourishment can only come from the selfless, loving acts of others.
So my frustration resides in our refusal and struggle to support each other in our potential. My frustration lives in our slowness to humble ourselves, to see new perspectives and paradigms of the world around us, and to truly base our decisions on principle and inspiration.

Yet I also have hope; hope for such a powerful community that knows so many truths. I have a feeling that there are many who are beginning to take a stand for what they know is right, whether it is right for their own family, or right for the community as a whole. The gap is widening, and we must makes a choice. Sometimes these decisions are personal and will be unique for each individual and their family. Sometimes these decisions are for the benefit of the community as a whole. Either way, I have hope that people are taking a stand to make a better community and better world, and I believe that this community has the potential to be an example to the world, a testimony to the power of doing things principally correct. It starts with an individual who is willing to share their feelings in hopes of creating a community who shares their concerns, knowing that only an outreach of support and love will rebound, knowing that we are all just children who are trying to make the best decisions possible in our lives, having hope that people will respond as though they also had struggles they were facing, wanting to receive the same kind of love and support. If love is what we’re born with, and fear is what we’re taught, which is what I believe, and we can only make choices based on one of those two emotions, then I think we might all have something to learn, something to work on, so let’s get to work. 
-Anonymous 

I'll be honest, I had to dumb this down a little to wrap my brain around what was being said. But this is what I got:
What if instead of judging others for their weaknesses or trials or differences, we embrassed them?  So lets say (Im using this example mostly because it has been on my mind lately) that a young man named Henry is having issues with pornography. You may or may not see pornography as an "issue" but his family and friends do and so he hides it. It festers. It becomes a HUGE secret and the secret becomes an addiction. The problem becomes bigger and bigger and worse and worse because he feels alone. He feels like if he tells anyone about his problem, he will be judged and treated differently. His parents will be ashamed of him and he won't be able to ever get a date again because of the stigma that comes with this. 
Now, lets pretend that we live in a different culture where this isn't shameful. People may not agree but they can accept his problems because they recognize that EVERY BEING ON THIS EARTH HAS PROBLEMS. Instead of Henry's dad saying "Shame on you. You are ruining your life. You are going to become a bad person. Don't tell anyone else about this" He says "I have been there.I have had the same problem in the past and I sometimes still struggle with it. I understand completely and if you want help Im here to help." and Henry's best friend says "Dude, that sucks. Im sorry you are struggling with this and I don't fully comprehend but I have weaknesses too and what Im struggling with right now is my addiction to the Lortab that I was prescribed last year for my broken ankle"
These might be silly examples but my point is that if everything was out in the open and no one felt the need to hide anything it would open up so many doors to heal and overcome and become stronger better people. Instead, when we feel like we have done something "wrong" or we are "different" we hide it and it festers. Lets be brave and open up. Quit with the secrets and start with the acceptance.

Id love love love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Comment below!
Also, if you are part of the blogging world or google+, follow this blog! If not, and you'd still like to follow you can do so by email. Just enter your email up in the designated place on the right hand side of this post and we will keep you updated! 
Lastly, WRITE IN! I want to hear what makes you different because Im starting to absolutely LOVE anyone who dares to step outside the box and be different. You can write to me here dontberegina@gmail.com

Vent it Out

*Note* This post has been revised and edited from its original state. Im dense and didn't take in to consideration that some of what I said could have been offensive. Also, I feel like my point was missed and the focus was put in something I had not intended it to be put on. So Im trying again.

"Who here has been personally victimized by Regina George?"
Im assuming everyone has seen the movie Mean Girls. If you haven't, Im sad for you. Some of the greatest lessons I've learned in life have come from this movie. (Maybe Im being sarcastic. Maybe Im not. Im not even sure I know.)
Since Im assuming everyone has seen the movie, Im going to talk to you like you have. If you haven't, go watch it. It will change your life. Or at least make your day a whole lot better.
So lets talk Regina. She's the "cool" girl. She is the rich, popular girl who rules the world and everyone in it... at least everyone within her reach, whether they like it or not. She dictates what everyone thinks about everyone else. Her "Burn Book" dictates the opinions of others. If she happens to write in this book that you are a "Fugly Slut" (please excuse my language), then that's what other people take you for. On the other hand, if she happens to think you are fit to be part of her little group, You. Are. In. Your "cool," even if you really aren't.
Im not actually delusional enough to think that this is how the real world works. But lets be honest, most people take what they hear as truth. They don't bother to ask questions to find out what is actually happening in your life. They form their opinions based on the little bits and pieces they hear (hopefully from you) and maybe even more so, from the opinions of others. And then it builds. It builds and builds until no one actually knows what the reality of a situation is, they just know what they have made up in their head (or what they have stolen from someone else's head)
Have you ever felt judged? More than likely, wrongfully judged? Like people just assume something about you that may not be totally accurate. Or maybe what they assume is correct but they haven't taken the time to understand your reasons or thoughts on the matter?
I'm pretty sure everyone has felt this way. I have endless amounts of time throughout my life but right now I'm (along with my family)  experiencing a lot of this because of some of the "outside of the norm" choices we have made.
I've struggled endlessly with this because some of the people that are casting the judgment are the people that I've felt "should" be supportive and uplifting. Im trying to hold up walls in all directions. I knew there would be lots and lots of people that didn't agree with my/our choices and so I knew there would be some walls I would have to hold up but I didn't expect to run in to what we have run in to. The community we live in is predominantly Christian. Love your neighbor, right? Judge not that ye be not judged. Except... it seems completely the opposite. It seems that people are so convinced that their way is the right way that they can't even open their minds to something different.
 I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I do. I don't agree with everything everyone else does either. But just because I don't agree with their choices doesn't mean Im going to try to squash them with the walls they are struggling to hold in place.
Here's the deal though.... I feel hypocritical calling these people out. I feel like if I call them out on their judgment of me, it's not allowing them to have their own opinions. I want to be allowed to have mine and so I have to allow others to have theirs. But can't we agree to disagree without being hurtful and mean about it? And so, I don't. I don't stand up for myself. I take their rude comments and the whispers behind my back. I feel angry and frustrated.
All this has brought me here, to creating this blog. I want to try something and Im hoping you will all help me out with it. I want this to be a safe place to vent. I want anyone and everyone to be able to come here and tells us about their anger and frustration or sorrow. I want you to tell us the things you don't dare tell the people in your "real" life because you are scared of what their reaction will be. You can be bold and let the world know who you are and what exactly you think. Or you can be anonymous and just get your frustrations out there to (hopefully) help others understand what their judgments can do to a person.
I believe in leading by example. And so, despite the fact that I am TERRIFIED, I am going to kick us off. Here is my vent/confession. Please don't be a Regina.
Few people know this. And when I say "few" I mean... I can count on one hand the number of people that know this about our family. We homeschool. *gasp!* Thats not even the worst part. We don't just homeschool like the "weird" "unsocialized" kids you knew growing up. We unschool. What this essentially means is that we do not give our kids a formal education in any sense. We don't have a curriculum, like NO CURRICULUM AT ALL. (is your head ready to explode now?) My husband and I are religious. I would say really religious (in comparison to most of the worlds standards) and we firmly believe that God put us all on this earth to learn, grow, develop and to govern our own choices. We believe that babies are born pre-programmed to advance and be excited about learning and discovering new things (AKA: learning. Yes.. I said it, kids are pre-programmed to be EXCITED about learning) However, we believe that conventional  education (public school, private schools, basically any institution of education or even any homeschool program that dictates what a kids learns and when and how) kills this excitement. Learning becomes a chore and not a natural, exciting part of life. This is our belief. It doesn't have to be yours. And I fully recognize that public school is the perfect fit for some kids. Im never going to tell you that you are wrong for choosing to put your kids in public school. Its not my call. Your children were born to you for a reason and I have no intention of telling you that you are doing anything wrong.
 I could go on and on and ON about this. But I won't. If you would like to know more about how we choose to educate our kids, Id love to expound, just ask. But that is NOT the point of this blog or this post. This is: No one knows this whole deal about us (well at least no one did until I posted this and even still, they only know in part) All they know is that we homeschool. And guess what? We have now been labeled. I expected some of this. Im even ok with it to a certain degree but Im only human and at times my feelings weaken and as my niece would say "my feelings get broke" and I want a place that I feel like I can say that. Where I can confess the things that I don't dare tell the general public for fear of being harshly judged. Where I can tell someone, or maybe just admit to myself that its hard to be criticized and judged for something I really believe in.
Lets stop being so critical. Lets be ok with being different. With choosing different paths. We weren't created to be clones of each other and to complete the same things in life. The world needs variation, diversity, thats what makes this life beautiful.
And so, here is my ending plea. Share with us. Tell us your story. Confess to us what you are scared to say out loud. I promise this will be a safe place for you to share whatever you need to. I promise support. Support from me and my hope is, from a community of people who want the same things you and I do, to be embraced for our differences, not judged and cast aside.

*If you are willing to share with us, you can email me at dontberegina@gmail.com. Everything will be kept anonymous unless you specify otherwise. Thanks in advance! Im looking forward to hearing from you!*